Mark Twain Quotes
Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.Mark Twain
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.Mark Twain
We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world.Mark Twain
In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.Mark Twain
Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, It was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.Mark Twain
Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - A Christian.Mark Twain
Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience of 4000 critics.Mark Twain
At the beginning of a great national change, the patriot is a scarce man: scorned, ridiculed and forgotten. When his cause succeeds, however, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.Mark Twain
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.Mark Twain
I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.Mark Twain
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.Mark Twain
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.Mark Twain
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you.Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress but I repeat myself.Mark Twain
This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty - Four.Mark Twain
Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.Mark Twain
Pessimism is only the name that men of weak nerve give to wisdom.Mark Twain
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - Either by themselves or by others.Mark Twain
Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.Mark Twain
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.Mark Twain
Be good and you will be lonesome.Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved it.Mark Twain
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.Mark Twain
Familiarity breeds contempt - And children.Mark Twain
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.Mark Twain
October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. Others are July, January, April, September, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.Mark Twain
In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.Mark Twain
In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.Mark Twain
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.Mark Twain
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.Mark Twain
Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone.Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.Mark Twain
Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessaries.Mark Twain
