Mark Twain Quotes
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.Mark Twain
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you.Mark Twain
The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - A Christian.Mark Twain
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight, what counts is the size of the fight in the dog.Mark Twain
A lie can travel halfway round the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.Mark Twain
I never let schooling interfere with my education.Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.Mark Twain
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.Mark Twain
How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.Mark Twain
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty - One, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.Mark Twain
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can read.Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk, ruined.Mark Twain
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.Mark Twain
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - Not absence of fear.Mark Twain
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.Mark Twain
Few sinners are saved after the fiirst twenty minutes of a sermon.Mark Twain
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.Mark Twain
The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.Mark Twain
When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty - One, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.Mark Twain
If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.Mark Twain
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.Mark Twain
I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.Mark Twain
I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.Mark Twain
It is easier to stay out than get out.Mark Twain
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - And stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove - Lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove - Lid again - And that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence then success is sure.Mark Twain
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.Mark Twain
Time cools, time clarifies no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.Mark Twain
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.Mark Twain
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.Mark Twain
There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.Mark Twain
