Mark Twain Quotes
George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth - He could not even lie.Mark Twain
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.Mark Twain
I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.Mark Twain
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.Mark Twain
Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.Mark Twain
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.Mark Twain
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence - - And then success is sure.Mark Twain
If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.Mark Twain
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.Mark Twain
Few sinners are saved after the fiirst twenty minutes of a sermon.Mark Twain
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.Mark Twain
On his deathbed Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuse are for all - - The soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.Mark Twain
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk, ruined.Mark Twain
Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.Mark Twain
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.Mark Twain
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.Mark Twain
Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.Mark Twain
We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.Mark Twain
I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.Mark Twain
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.Mark Twain
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.Mark Twain
The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.Mark Twain
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.Mark Twain
Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain.Mark Twain
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.Mark Twain
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - - A christian.Mark Twain
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.Mark Twain
There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship.Mark Twain
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.Mark Twain
